Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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