You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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