Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
