Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
