you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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