Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
