just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
