I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
