I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
