need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I look better un-naked...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
