is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
