remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
