My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
