Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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