I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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