y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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