I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
