Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
