Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
