party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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