I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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