You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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