Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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