My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
