Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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