only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
