When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
