I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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