i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
