the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
