We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
