I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
