Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
