I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
3pm strippers are depressing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
