my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize