i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
