You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
