I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
