You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
