It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
