They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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