so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
