so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
