Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
