I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize