he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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