I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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