i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
