i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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