just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
