Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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