Buhtt sex?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
