My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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