The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
