is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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