i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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