I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
