We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize