You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
