A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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