ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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