bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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