So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
