I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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